How did my dry arse end up here?

A question I’ve taken to asking myself rather a lot of late.  Is it the fact that I’ve been away from Trinidad for almost a whole year?  That I’ve had a roller coaster time from the beginning of 2005?  That I am, as we speak on an extended vacation in Zurich with a man I met and mysteriously fell in lurve with five months ago?
Since coming here almost three weeks ago, I’ve been spending my days in an alarmingly un-busy state.  Not leaving the flat except to go running, to the grocery or to dinner with the BFG which, in this case stands for the Beautiful Funny Gschwend (yes he has one of those strange swiss-german last names).
I’ve been thinking a lot about Babylon-don, about Trinidad, about everything and everywhere and everybody really.  What better place to do it though.  It’s beautiful here and maybe the universe has conspired for me to be in a beautiful place so I can have a harder time of making simple decisions about where my life goes next.  Aaaargh.
Trying to write.  Being distracted by birds on the balcony and the colour of the mountains at dusk.
Insomnia. I’ve been getting up every morning at 4.30.  Watching the lights shimmering on the lake.  What will another day bring?
Relief. Going back to bed and it is full and warm with the BFG.  What’s his role in all of this?  Tis all fun and holding hands at this point.  What happens when the lovey dovey spiel wears thin and we have to decide if this thing is for real?
Happy.  But as I asked Sunshine today, is there such a thing as too much happiness?  Or is the happiness supposed to radiate outwards and infect other people.  If depression stops you dead in your tracks, then surely happiness motivates you to do all the things that you don’t have the energy to do when you’re down in the pits?
So where do I start?  And how do I get involved in the (r)evolution at home, if I’m playing happy homes on the other side of the world?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s