I wrote the following post on the old blog
last year. Can’t quite remember the event that precipitated it. But perhaps it was around the time of the visiting and too beautiful for me to do anything but dream poet who provided a moment’s distraction from my otherwise boring activist life of men who don’t dare come near me for fear of my being (and I swear I’ve heard these descriptions too smart, too radical, too own way etc etc etc) It got a lot of flak from some of my male friends who saw the questions as justification for the fact that I’ve been persistently single since me and my Zurich love parted ways back in 2006
. I have to concur that the questionnaire is not only essential but to leave getting to know a man to a man is like leaving Patrick Manning to run the country.
There are of course exceptions to every rule and I have had my own proof that straightforward sweet funny well adjusted men who are available actually exist. Kind of like UFO’s. They are out there. You just need to be in the right place, time and frame of mind to find them.
For reasons that I don’t care to divulge on account of my unavoidably Aquarian desire to be aloof and non-comittal about anything too personal, I’ve come to the conclusion that the questionnaire is crucial to save yourself from love meggies. I guess I’m re-posting here to remind myself to be vigilant, even as I try to be open to the possibility that the man for me is in fact a reality and not a cruel fiction of a universe out to have several entertaining false alarm laughs on my head.
Why is this in mind? Well of course Salman Rushdie is involved. As it happens, I’m reading his latest novel, the mangolicious Enchantress of Florence
in which there is a king who has imagined himself the perfect wife. O, for such powers! What a man I would make…
“So, having survived the dire dating situation in Trinidad for the past year and bit, I’ve decided to come with a short questionnaire for all potential dates. This will take the form of a short quizz at the beginning of the trackulations, so as to avoid heartache, stress, stalking or late night non-returning of flaky text messages. I know some of the questions are a bit left field but it’s not so much whether you know but how you answer! Extra marks for the most creative responses…
1. Why are you here?
2. Are you an asshole?
3. Exactly how many of my friends/acquaintances have you
a) slept with
c) wined on inappropriately in a public fete
4. Do you have a girlfriend (if the answer is yes, thank you for your time, please turn in your questionnaire before you leave).
5. Seriously, though. Are you an asshole? And if you are, how long does it take for you to turn into one?
6. What exactly are you expecting (select one or more of the following)
4) A friend
5) A horner woman
6) A sugar mommy
7. Do you eat meat?
8. Do you harm animals?
9. Do you have Hot Wuk as your ringtone?
10. Have you eaten geera pork in the past 24 hours?
11. What did you say your girlfriend’s name was again?
12. What about trees? How do you feel about trees?
13. Please complete the following sentence
A carbon footprint is —-
14. Please write a short treatise on the works of Martin Carter/Kamau Brathwaite/John Coltrane/Nina Simone.
15. Which of my favourite revolutionaries do you think said this?
‘Words that do not match deeds are unimportant’
a) Winston Rodney
c) Che Guevara
d) Arundhati Roy
16. What is Track 7 on the Best Selling Jazz album of all times?”